18/11/2016

I felt numb. After reading the text from the supposed FIL saying the son complaint xda pilihan ke? After my boss gave my pic and said i am berangin. Was it you who wanted to know me. Then you ask xda pilihan? Girls are like chickens in packs you think? 

Luckily i dont put my hope high. Havent told my parents anything yet. I wouldnt want to have someone tak ikhlas like that ever in my life. You can sod off and find others who dont mind being chose by you. 

It hurts. If tak ikhlas then dont ask. Dont ask your sister to ask a person if she wanted to know someone who wants to marry you. I hope my doa will be answered. Allah knows best whats in it for me. 

27/7/2016

I wonder about the mystery of qualitative research that a lot of us researchers are still in the cloud and we do not have a clue. When i heard science people talking about their research i always thought of how easy and simple theirs are since all they have to do is take a bug and grow it and put some meds on it and let it dieor surprisingly   if it grows bigger then it is a success! 

What about those people who studies human's emotions and brain-supposedly not the physical part of the brain- that needs a lot mysterious interpretation not by some simple numbers to determined? Now they dont usually get praised by their finding when they suddenly discovered that human does have brains. Or when human react to something it is because of a trigger that cause them to react that way. And then we can anticipate that reaction. That needs a lot of mindful observation and mysterious brain calculation. 

27/6/2016 Ramadhan

I have come to term with Allah swt that it must be very delighted and the best thing ever to meet Him. He must be the greatest of all. It is like i am super awed being in Disneyland, which is man made, man which was made by Him, it must be super duper awesome to meet the creator of all creators! 

9/5/2016

When facebook becomes my uno numero source of information. How pathetic i am. I do not want to admit to that but i am convinced 95% of my generation looks up facebook for sharing information. Which is good. All the useful sleep information and career advice, lol to that, were from facebook. I openly tell my students to go look for youtube and watch videos there, and unabashedly quoting facebook for information. It is useful because all the links leads to legit websites. Duh. 

21/4/2016

Everything i do seems to be of learning benefit. Watching youtube videos is learning. On culture, language from native speaker, attitude and motivation of people in first world country. How efficient they are. How motivated they are and most importantly they are very authentic. They created things themselves. If we look at Blooms taxonomy had the highest order of conitive function is synthesizing. You create something with a prior knowledge of the specific things. And that is where we should be heading. Creating. Being the creator. 

My mood and motivation to stay in this job is up and down. When i have a lot of pressure from work and people i felt like not doing this. But when i feel a little relax, as today was, i want to stay in this profession. 

Now the biggest problem for me is scholarship since i really want to go study abroad i have to apply for outside scholarship. Hopefully i will. I have an interview with Nottingham people next week. I will answer whatever i have in my mind and throw a few questions to them. Lol! Don't judge. 

8/5/2016

I always wonder How it feels like to be working from home. I guess it must be amazing experience since you will always be at the comfort of your own home but at the same time you will need an abundant of motivation to get you off your seat. I know i will be bumming all day and do nothing other than watch and admire other people's credibility and success and daydreams all day that i will be half successful as they are. 

Then here i am a teacher in a not so well known or top uni. I think my uni is at the number 12 among all uni in Msia currently. Partly because it is new. I wonder what it is like Working at a top uni with creme de la creme student. What will be their style and reaction to knowledge. Do they value it or they look down on it. Do they respect their teachers or undervalue their teachers' knowledge. Will the teachers feel intimidated or proud. I know as a teacher it should not be a problem for whena student starts to challenge your knowledge just know that they are still young and we are all still learning and will always be. 

28/4/2016 Mixed feedback

Had my study leave signed and the dean commented that it has no clinical impact. Later that night i had an interview with future sv from UofNottingham and they liked my idea. Then Prof W said she liked my writing style and asked me how do i managed to be so good in writing english? So i replied that maybe because i had my master thesis done in english. She laughed it off. 

That makes me flipping proud! 

She assured me that i will get the place and will help me to polish my proposal for commonwealth scholarship. 

Finally i asked her why was she interested in my topic to which Dr S replied that they want to compare youth perception to the elderly perception. 

Then i received a bad news that i will not be in May study leave meeting but will be in June's meeting. So I will probably have to postpone my enrolment. 

I think this is a hurdle. A bump. Be it a small bump but still it makes me feel as if this is the sign from God that maybe it is not the best for me. Maybe i was destined to not be an oversea trained phd holder. I know there is no way that locally trained is any less than, but it makes me ponder on my self actualization. Much later in life. I know i will not be very happy with my achievement. I should not rush. So i will wait. 

26/2/2016

Talked to a senior colleague in my faculty. She said the UQ scholarship usually given to astounding people who has published several papers and really excellent. Now i have lost all hope and aiming at something else. I am so feeling unmotivated to work at all now. 

Killing time until my zumba class. 

25/2/2016 me time

I need a me time. Not away from children or housework. But away from husling work at the office. I am getting away just to make a proposal and sit down properly to think about it. Bless me God. Please. 

I am applying solely and relying on only one phd application to UQ. i dont have a very massive dream of getting into very distinctive school. I just want to have an experience studying overseas. Just to have a different kind of learning environment and what was people talking about the good side of studying overseas. UK is my first choice but fate makes me apply only OZ. But thats fine. FINE! i will try my best. 

6/2/2016

Found myself really scared being on a plane. Scared of crashing and burn. Maybe too much of news about planes crashing makes me adopt the feeling of planophonbia. Lol! I made that up. 

But i like to travel. And i am able. I just dont have that much time. So. Nice one i thought i will commit to that spain tour and extend them a bit to visit my friends in UK. Ah well. 

3/2/2016

Now that i am the only one still single among my siblings i think it made other people concern or maybe pity me more than usual? 

My students suddenly texted me saying i am the ever beauty. Lol! I am darkened from being in Kedah. Bronzer much. 

I did not addressed any of the nasty comments on Students feedback survey since i thought its mature not to give a damn about it. I am yet to response appropriately. I wish they would respect us accordingly. 

Above the air 1/2/2016

I am writing when this mas airplane was about to board. Still driving ever so slowly on this tarmac. Soon i will be thousands km above the ground. Great view that i want to savour. I got a window seat. Am coming back from a Karnival pengajian tinggi negara 2016 in Alor Setar to KLIA and back to Kuantan. I am alone since my colleague had been back a day earlier. 

I was seated next to a little girl must have been about 2 years old and she kept on talking in her cute little voice half understood. She really reminded me of Ap my little nephew. Cant stop smiling the whole flight. I gave her my headphone and she was so eager to watch the cartoons. Then she fell asleep just before we land in KLIA. I didnt budge anymore since i have a very important mission. 

Mitsui by free shuttle. It was a real adventure running around like that. I made it though.