Ignored

Wow im autopilotly opening this blog n logged in..

I was being stupid.fucking stupid.fucked up stupid.stupidest.

How on earth am i going to survive if i keep going on like this. I have to change by any freakin means.

Get a grip of my conscience.get it clear.imagine my life content.never ever that will happen.im only content when im home.by home i mean my moms home.

Why mothers can be so fucking screwed? And i hav to work woth that screwed ppl again? And again? And i have ppl being hostile to me in the fucking hospital and this fucking stupid house.i moved in juz because i want to have friends in this fucking depressing town.turns out its stupidly making me depressed little by little. I shudent be trusting one single person i knew after my graduation day.all seems to be fake and poyo.i dont know how i end up being bitter.maybe cos i lived with bitter ppl.

Monolog menitis

Owh damn it is hard to log in..

Alhamdulilah aku berasa sungguh tenang dalam jiwa kacau. Berbagai persolan timbul. Adakah ikhlas manusia itu menegurku dengan mesra sebentar tadi? Apakah hanya khayalanku berbicara menyedapkan hati yang amat gundah di asak gulana.

Mengapa perlu perasaan dan akalku bergantung kepada orang sekeliling? Mengapa perlu kebergantungan itu? Apakah semua yang hidup selalu ada perasaan itu? Atau hanya aku?

Terasa benar2 sedang dalam alam percintunan. Mengharap pada orang lain. Merasa terasa. Sunyi pabila tiada. Tuhan menyayangiku lebih dari diriku sendiri. Dia hilangkan rasa itu. Agar aku tak terus hanyut ditelan angan2 busukku. Amma. Abah. Banglong. Bangah. Kaklang. Kakcek. Kakcik. Banteh. Tolong letakkan kakiku diatas bumi semula. Jangan biarkan aku terlambung.

Berbaur perasaan kacau dan ceria. Apa ditunggu dihujung jalan. Moga terang hingga hari tua ku.

Amin. Wassalam.