Wonderful childhood i had

Thinking of how miserable and blue it will be for my future. However i am thankful for having great parents who provide me a Wonderful Childhood. How bitter my life is now, could have been easily remake a smile with all those Wonderful childhood i once had. Every birthdays, festives, they made it memorable and am always reminded that i have all their love. All the dirty little secrets they know. I am thankful i still have them. That day i drove back here i could not hug my dad as always. He called me and was gutted that he didnt had the chance to wave me goodbye. That makes me feel loved. They always do. They always did. I had the lump in my throat and tears streaming my cheeks. I had a rough day today i guess. Am lonely and lonely. No word could describe how miserable my life is now. Even the worst kid in africa would have thought their life much happier than i am. No suicidal thought though. Maybe all those bittery fake pictures i took once when i thought everyone was sincere and nice. Those pictures i swear made me swollen. It hasnt subside yet. Since it was just started. Dear God. If ever i was the most evil person on earth ever lived, forgive me for my sin is not worth of anything to be exchange with. Repent i am now. Will live the way that i was handed with. Will do with all my strenght and might. Just be good to me. Dear God.

Heavy chest

Having heavy chest. Heaviest heart ever. Been fighting like dogs. Working like dogs. Obedient like dogs. Until i fell sick!

Whats there for me anymore. Jodoh dan ajal di tangan Tuhanku. Siapalah aku untuk mengelak atau mendesak. Tak mungkin berlaku kerana kebodohan aku. Tak mungkin berlaku kerana keangkuhan aku dengan dunia. Ingin menjadi creme of the creme. Tapi tidak kesampaian. Melihat orang lain. Buat aku jadi cemburu. Perasaan manusia perlu ada itu dan ini.

I hate being sick every breath feel so heavy and hurt. I wish i dont have to move a muscle to breathe. Its pain. More painful thinking what i dont haves. I want to have the dont haves. The attraction of it is like a poison. But my ego prevent me from having it. I care a lot of what will become of me. I care a lot. Ya Tuhan.