15/8/2015

I still feel the pain. Still feel like blaming my lecturers for not getting a good grade for my final thesis. It all comes back because i will be seeing them next week. I have a lot on my mind about that place and everyone there. It reminds me of dark days. That terrible feeling of not getting what i want and yet they did very little to help. I know they dont care that much. They just dont care. 

Still remember the HOD came in class earlier in the semester in year 1. She told us that all students are the same. It just meant that she dont care that much. A student is just another student. And she can still get her paycheck at the end of every month without really care about students welfare. She had this twisted decisions that did not allow me who has 1 solid year of being a nurse in pediatrics to do pediatric elective, but she gave it to another student the next year round who only has experience as a CI in peads! What a cruel decision she made. Unfair to the core and made me feel like not seeing her or even hear her name. But the nursing world in Malaysia is so small. Literally everyone knows each other or at least have connections with each other. And i hate that. I hate that i have to see her name and it makes me think of all that stupid things. Yeah people can say put the past behind. I can do that. But it is eating me inside. Not killing me thankfully. I just wish i did not do it in the first place.