23/8/2015

I was thinking of quitting uia and move to uitm. But as long as people are good to me and i dont have that much problem with people, then i will stay. When people start treating me bad and when i feel like i have enough, i will resign and move on. It is not that i am stuck up or i feel like i have a lot of opportunity in other place, but more to job satisfaction and life goals. I want to be happy. I need to be happy. I am happy when people are good and they work hard and equally motivate me to work hard. But the moment i feel like people are unequal and there are things that hasten my career pathway, i will move away. 

Right now, i have quite a reputation for being mean to a friend. I am stubborn, not welcoming feedback etc. well i had a fall out with a friend but that was settled i think. We moved on and we grew up and mature. It is such a small girl fight, at least thats what i think. But we are okay now. Another friend however started to give me mean messages and i do not like the way it sounds. I wanted to just ignore that negativity, but that will make things bitter. So i decided to face her and talk nicely, well if i can, and settle things. Maybe i was wrong and i just need to apologize. I dont care whos at fault i just want things to be better or else if she still with her bitchy self, i will start to ignore her. I am pretty good at ignoring people now that i have practice a lot. Hahahahaha!!!! Whos bad? 

15/8/2015

I still feel the pain. Still feel like blaming my lecturers for not getting a good grade for my final thesis. It all comes back because i will be seeing them next week. I have a lot on my mind about that place and everyone there. It reminds me of dark days. That terrible feeling of not getting what i want and yet they did very little to help. I know they dont care that much. They just dont care. 

Still remember the HOD came in class earlier in the semester in year 1. She told us that all students are the same. It just meant that she dont care that much. A student is just another student. And she can still get her paycheck at the end of every month without really care about students welfare. She had this twisted decisions that did not allow me who has 1 solid year of being a nurse in pediatrics to do pediatric elective, but she gave it to another student the next year round who only has experience as a CI in peads! What a cruel decision she made. Unfair to the core and made me feel like not seeing her or even hear her name. But the nursing world in Malaysia is so small. Literally everyone knows each other or at least have connections with each other. And i hate that. I hate that i have to see her name and it makes me think of all that stupid things. Yeah people can say put the past behind. I can do that. But it is eating me inside. Not killing me thankfully. I just wish i did not do it in the first place. 

7/8/2015

Met with nice successful people. All successful people i met are usually very kind and helpful. Wonder if all these successful people came to meet kind and successful people previously and it makes them successful as well? That should be a karma theory i guess. 

Met with Prof Rasid@h from uitm yesterday and she was so kind and helpful. Was asking about any vacancy in uitm and despite all the talks about my lack of clinical experience, she still offered me her phone number and asked me to whatsapp to her personally then she will guide me to how to fill in the online application form. I hope she gets it that i was asking for a job not a place for a phd or master program. But smart people will definitely catch on very fast. I strongly believe in that. She was saying that we actually need people in critical care, but anyway....(something like we will sort you out once you join us). Wow what a nice virtue of a leader she is. Lol! 

Well at least she didnt judge me by my first impression. Not like my teacher from U@M and U^^ who were so judgmental of student, calling me rude, takda soft skill etc. well i hope all of them will get nice and polite students who never question any of their ideas and policies. And so all your students will be as dumb if not worse than chimpanzees. 

Was chatting with a colleague who is ~50years old then a student was looking around and she asked the boy who he wanted to see. Turns out the lecturer was at a different level. Then my friend was complaining about the boy not asking her when she right in front of his face. I told her the boy must be shy to ask since we are still chatting. She couldnt accept that fact though. I can see that there is a generation gap. I understand the boys predicament. But these oldies dont. 

Met with my ex uitm classmate and we talked about how we like to see the students. Because we get lonely since there arent many lecturers our age and when we do see the students we get to be ourselves and not trying to please these other people. How true!