I felt a little unsettled by the politics that has been going on in the department. I found that 3 distinction students graduate last year were all Chinese and non was malay. I felt driven to be one next year. But it means that i have to get 4 for proposal and dissertation. I dont think i can achieve that but i will try my freakin best!

Asked to meet my mentor tomorrow but i felt reluctant to be nice to her. Wanted to give her birthday present that we forgot to bring last week. But it felt wrong because she obviously didnt choose me to be the sv but chosen a 4 flat student and a very senior-resesrch-nurse from ppum. Its really fucking obvious she wanted their name. Nothing else. She dont value people who dont benefit her. 

I felt like i was playing her games. I am like one of the character that she move em around. Its stupid and i feel dumb now.