Felt like fucking crying now. Cried several times today and continously lepaking from midvalley to Z's hostel room still with an unsettled heart. Had a discussion with Dr P early this morning about how a study by a nursing student was published with her name as a second author when she should be the first. Its the nursing students fault that she was terribly busy to finish up her manuscript so Prof T asked her bioengine student to do it. So they komplot and make his name as the 1st author since he was the one who invented the device anyway. Dr P said it wasnt anyones to blame but the nursing student. So i shouldnt be weak and slow like her. She said i am different from her. Yeah right thank you for giving me that strenght. 

Then met with my mentor. Almost cried while talking to her. Somehow she always had me telling her everything. When i start to talk about things and explain and she always tried to korek my feelings and validate my feelings and explain it back to me like she knew me better than myself. She said you are tired....u letih...tired of explaining to people. And nobody get you. Maybe that what exactly happen. I am tired. I am fed up. I am frustrated. I felt like giving up. Thats all i can think of right now. I dont want to do it anymore. Its too tiring. 

She said i have to be smart. You want to graduate it does not matter what happen. You do what you have to because your ultimate goal is to graduate not to experiment things. Do not put your feet down or you will have to face the consequence yourself. People have warned you. Expert people. 

I emailed her my proposal (4th) to ask her view is it feasible or unnecessary and if its really bad then i wont do it. I will extent another year. Fuck it. She hasnt reply. Fuck her.