22 July 2022

Was talking to a colleague yesterday and realized I wasn't one to actively seek for information. I would take what's presented to me as is. There may be time that I did google on people, but only when it intrigued me that much. I know people who google others constantly, they said to get ideas for conversations later on or just to know the person. And these 2 people I know are very successful and deemed to be smart, trusted people. 

Maybe I should start being inquisitive, seeing that in this branding aid book I'm currently on it is a good attribute if we know how to use it nicely. Inquisitive is equivalent of being nosy. People may think you are. But twist it around by explaining why you ask all those questions. Yep I think my colleagues did explained when I was looking weird at them when they were googling people casually. I was horrified inside, but play it cool. These people were definitely googling me when I wasn't around. Now that I am here, they'd lose interest and move on. 

15.5.2022

I am not the only one who felt wearing selipar jepun is ugly AF. Had a chat in pantry the other day with a very senior colleague whose been in government sector for over 20 years. She said when first came to this institution, she had keep up appearances with heels and nice clothes. Looking at the higher position people dressing down, wearing slippers in office made her change and being sloppy dressed is the choice now. It's easier and comfy. But ugly. But that's how everyone is anyway. 

I'm conforming to the culture too. Stupid but I'm trying to fit in! Haha. Wrong reason. 

Never thought I'd feel unattached. Distance from my family/home when I lost one parent. Don't feel like spending that much time time anymore, other than my own home. Maybe it just don't feel home anymore. When you lost a mother. I feel content just being by myself. Could be that I'm old enough to only want my own company. Could be I still long for one that I lost. 

14.5.2022

Home is where you office is (phd student strategies to complete writing)

When your home is your office. It's hard to differentiate the space. I had my study desk in my bedroom, since I did my master degree, and now in my phd years. Recently I moved to a bigger bedroom, and had my study desk and my TV in the same room. It was difficult. 

I almost had 0 time on my desk at one point. I can sit for hours watching TV, just beside my desk. I started googling strategies to focus doing work/study. 

I tried too many strategies. 

1. Sit for 3 to 4 hours at the desk, prepare all my meals and water on the desk. So I don't have to get up for coffee or snacks. Only up for bathroom breaks. It worked for a couple of days, then I got bored and being lazy again. 

2. Lazy because of anxiety. Refer to vlog: James Hayton Phd (youtube vlogs)

So I carefully rewired my brain to think of the success it brings if I do my phd work now. Think of all the fun things I can spend my time on if I actually finish my work early on. It doesn't work for long, infact this one lasted shorter than the 1st strategy. 

3. Spent 15 minutes only. Not more and not less. Do your work, whatever it is for only 15 minutes. Do as fast as you can. So I told myself, sit at your desk for 15 minutes, then you're free to go do whatever you want. And I ended up sitting there for hours, sometimes 4 hours staright. This one did actually worked for me! I competed my 1st thesis draft with this strategy. 

So don't be afraid to try several tricks before settling on one. And don't be too frustrated if it worked for a while, then you're drifted again. It's okay to be bored with one thing, and find another. There's no hard rule for a strategy to work. It all depends on your mood and motivation. 

Good luck to everyone and myself!

It's vaccination day for me. Wish me luck.

TGM

14 July 2021

Phd student's routine (vaccine appointment)

I have submitted my first thesis draft to my supervisors. This is my daily routine:

1) Checking emails every 2 to 3 hours, just in case my SVs replied after reviewing the draft (it's day-16 since I sent it to them!).

2) Checking mysejahtera vaccine appointment. I got my appointment today! 4 days to go.

Thankful for the vaccine appointment, I think it came unexpectedly early for me. I saw on Instagram that Klang Valley had started phase 3. I didn't know N. Sembilan speeds up. I had filled up vaccine forms 3 times for UM, 1 for IIUM. My colleagues had been called, replacing people in IIUM PPV. UM had been collecting names for astrazeneca. I was hopeful to be called. Set my phones on high volume during the day, so I wouldn't miss if any PPV call. 

It went viral about last week, that younger people had registered mysejahtera since Feb, but haven't been called for vaccination. I checked mine it was on the 23 Feb. They said to filled up helpdesk, write down that you've registered since Feb. So I did last week. I got automated email reply explaining unfortunate circumstances and I wasn't hopeful. Woke up today and saw a small mysejahtera icon. Mysejahtera never send notification, I knew it was either for vaccines or call for swab testing. I got my vaccine appointment on the 14th July.

Yeay!

TGM

10 JULY 2021

1st thesis draft

I'm still waiting for my 1st thesis draft to be reviewed by my supervisor. Its been 12 days since. A friend with the same supervisor said it took 1 to 2 months for my SV to review and return it back to us. 

In the meantime I scheduled my dental appointment for root canal and crown removal from a clinic near my house. I hope it heal fast before my next presentation- thesis seminar or viva. And hopefully the pain is not that horrible. 

I'm guessing everyone became super busy during this pandemic. While I'm here playing the waiting game. 

Senawang

6.7.2021

Phd survival during a pandemic

Endless problem with administrative work sets by who knows.. 

Theres title approval form to be filled. Examiners' nomination, intention to submit, ermm and what else? I'm navigating in the dark. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing. 

Pandemic closes down all campuses. Emailed administrative people and it might take some time to get a reply, unless you cc your SV. But I'm not yet thinking of exploiting that chance when all I wanted to know now is the process and all the forms I should be filling in. Website doesn't help. Click on the link and not found. 

Luckily I had few friends to ask around. Had some ideas where to begin. Might contact another friend, he's submitting too, faced the same problem as mine. 

My SV was burning up this afternoon on Meet, when they said that SV had to fill up everything?? I said I haven't a clue. Glad they said it's not our fault. It's the system. 

And they said administrative people replied to emails. Of course they did. A friend already told me the secret sauce to cc your SV. Now they asked why don't you? I said I'm afraid they might be busy, she is handling everyone's submission. SV complaint I was too kind. I should cc them next time. I will Prof. 

They complaint about having to fill up Examiners nomination manually, and it take hours, and had to do it twice!. Poor them! I don't know how to response. And while talking on the phone, we were laughing. They said I'm glad that you're laughing, it's not funny, but yeah. 

They said how pitiful the students are. Waiting and clueless. Students are always left clueless. Because we're easy target. Young and powerless. In need of guidance. Our future's in the hands of these administrative and lecturers. That's all we have to survive. Be kind and nice to both parties, you'll likely thrive. If you're nasty to one, you'll still survive, but you won't thrive. Well, I may not even be looking to thrive now. I only want to survive honestly. Surviving phd in this pandemic could be equal to surviving covid. You either die on course or you survive catching your breath again.

TGM

28.6.2021