Why do i have to have plans for future. Why cant i just live for the moment and enjoy it. Why i have to always plan for the future and not only that,i even always have plan b.all the time.i hate myself for that.i wish im more carefree and not care much of the future.let it happen according to its law of nature.
I want to say thanks.but i cant.coz i just cant.God have better plan for me i guess.
The hospitals killing me.i hate everyone. Everyone hates me.end of story. Oh yeah.my housemate hates me too. Well, i was born to be hated. What was that.
Time please pass by quickly. I wanna be old quick. And get over this life. I wanna be the one hoping for only Your love.
Aku tak berdaya ya Allah.
Im so desperate of having real friends in here. How ppl can turn into oversensitive to ignorance is so devastating and intimidating to me. I even offered to drive and was outright rejected.that was how stupid i can be just because i dont have any other friend. Felt like crying and quitting this job. Thankfully You still there for me. I can still trust in You and never change no matter how hurt i made You feel. Ya Allah bantu aku melawan perasaan ini. Bantu aku mempercepat masa berlalu agar aku boleh mula menjadi insan yang baik dan sabar menempuh dugaan mu. Sedar bahawa orang lain mengharungi ujian lebih besar dariku juga mereka mampu bersabar. Apakan daya aku insan lemag. Bersyukur dengan petunjukmu agar aku tidak jauh tersasar dari melakukan kelalaian. Jika aku ditakdir hidup menendiri, apakan daya.
Ingin berehat dari otak dan jiwa yang serabai ini. Kalaupun aku membenci,tidak akan memberi sebarang kebaikan kepada sesiapapun.
8.04pm
Sesaknye nafasku ada manusia sebegini dalam hidupku. Ya Allah tolong jauhkan aku dari terikutkan sikapnya. Jauhkan aku dari berkenalan dengan manusia sebegini lagi ya Allah. Cukuplah sekali Kau membuatku berfikir sebegini kehidupan tidak selalunya baik. Aku ingin memaafkan kekasarannya. Jangan keraskan hatiku ya Allah. Itu sahaja pintaku. Amin.
Ignored
Wow im autopilotly opening this blog n logged in..
I was being stupid.fucking stupid.fucked up stupid.stupidest.
How on earth am i going to survive if i keep going on like this. I have to change by any freakin means.
Get a grip of my conscience.get it clear.imagine my life content.never ever that will happen.im only content when im home.by home i mean my moms home.
Why mothers can be so fucking screwed? And i hav to work woth that screwed ppl again? And again? And i have ppl being hostile to me in the fucking hospital and this fucking stupid house.i moved in juz because i want to have friends in this fucking depressing town.turns out its stupidly making me depressed little by little. I shudent be trusting one single person i knew after my graduation day.all seems to be fake and poyo.i dont know how i end up being bitter.maybe cos i lived with bitter ppl.
I was being stupid.fucking stupid.fucked up stupid.stupidest.
How on earth am i going to survive if i keep going on like this. I have to change by any freakin means.
Get a grip of my conscience.get it clear.imagine my life content.never ever that will happen.im only content when im home.by home i mean my moms home.
Why mothers can be so fucking screwed? And i hav to work woth that screwed ppl again? And again? And i have ppl being hostile to me in the fucking hospital and this fucking stupid house.i moved in juz because i want to have friends in this fucking depressing town.turns out its stupidly making me depressed little by little. I shudent be trusting one single person i knew after my graduation day.all seems to be fake and poyo.i dont know how i end up being bitter.maybe cos i lived with bitter ppl.
Monolog menitis
Owh damn it is hard to log in..
Alhamdulilah aku berasa sungguh tenang dalam jiwa kacau. Berbagai persolan timbul. Adakah ikhlas manusia itu menegurku dengan mesra sebentar tadi? Apakah hanya khayalanku berbicara menyedapkan hati yang amat gundah di asak gulana.
Mengapa perlu perasaan dan akalku bergantung kepada orang sekeliling? Mengapa perlu kebergantungan itu? Apakah semua yang hidup selalu ada perasaan itu? Atau hanya aku?
Terasa benar2 sedang dalam alam percintunan. Mengharap pada orang lain. Merasa terasa. Sunyi pabila tiada. Tuhan menyayangiku lebih dari diriku sendiri. Dia hilangkan rasa itu. Agar aku tak terus hanyut ditelan angan2 busukku. Amma. Abah. Banglong. Bangah. Kaklang. Kakcek. Kakcik. Banteh. Tolong letakkan kakiku diatas bumi semula. Jangan biarkan aku terlambung.
Berbaur perasaan kacau dan ceria. Apa ditunggu dihujung jalan. Moga terang hingga hari tua ku.
Amin. Wassalam.
Alhamdulilah aku berasa sungguh tenang dalam jiwa kacau. Berbagai persolan timbul. Adakah ikhlas manusia itu menegurku dengan mesra sebentar tadi? Apakah hanya khayalanku berbicara menyedapkan hati yang amat gundah di asak gulana.
Mengapa perlu perasaan dan akalku bergantung kepada orang sekeliling? Mengapa perlu kebergantungan itu? Apakah semua yang hidup selalu ada perasaan itu? Atau hanya aku?
Terasa benar2 sedang dalam alam percintunan. Mengharap pada orang lain. Merasa terasa. Sunyi pabila tiada. Tuhan menyayangiku lebih dari diriku sendiri. Dia hilangkan rasa itu. Agar aku tak terus hanyut ditelan angan2 busukku. Amma. Abah. Banglong. Bangah. Kaklang. Kakcek. Kakcik. Banteh. Tolong letakkan kakiku diatas bumi semula. Jangan biarkan aku terlambung.
Berbaur perasaan kacau dan ceria. Apa ditunggu dihujung jalan. Moga terang hingga hari tua ku.
Amin. Wassalam.
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